So Vladislas Killed a Bunch of People … Oh, This is Doing it For You?
I’m beginning to think that I should’ve planned these reviews better. I don’t mind watching four Subspecies movies back to back, but since all of them have stayed in roughly the same quality level, it feels like I should’ve compressed them into two reviews, or at least spread them out by doing them one every other day so that the audience that doesn’t care to read about these movies wouldn’t fall off and not pay attention to them for four days. Oh well. I’m pot committed. Let us see what Radu is up to now in my review of Bloodlust: Subspecies 3, written and directed by Ted Nicolaou, starring Anders Hove, Denise Duff, Melanie Shatner, Pamela Gordon, Kevin Blair, Michael Denish, Ion Haiduc, and Michael Dellafemina.
Picking up right where we left off, the vampire Radu (Anders Hove) is dead once again and new vampire Michelle (Denise Duff) is trapped in some catacombs with Radu’s mother (Pamela Gordon), unable to leave because the sun’s out and she doesn’t want to be glittery and get killed for it. Or she’d catch fire like a REAL FUCKING VAMPIRE! …Sorry… Radu’s mom brings Radu back from the dead with Michelle’s blood, while Michelle’s sister Becky (Melanie Shatner) runs to get help, but the three disappear before the police can find them. Becky and her friend from the American Embassy, Mel (Kevin Blair), go to Radu’s castle to find them. Radu is taking Michelle out hunting to enhance her powers, and also teaching her how to be a better vampire while Becky and Mel try to save her from the castle.
The quality of the movies have really remained constant for me. I could probably get away with posting my review for the previous movie for today’s movie, but I wouldn’t cheat you people that way. The story remains solid, but with the occasional laughable moment, and the effects remain mostly underwhelming. Around this point in the series (because I’m really super intelligent), I began to realize that there is a definite pattern to be found in these movies. It’s a pattern you probably develop when you’re pretty sure this is the last movie you will make. Radu will die at the end, and Radu will be resurrected the moment we realize we can make another movie. I don’t find it that annoying, but it certainly takes the emphasis out of the fact that Radu dies at the end. Why bother doing it if we know he’ll be back? It’s not really that bothersome, but I have a pretty good idea about what I’ll see in the first five minutes of Subspecies 4. After that, I was fairly fond of the story. It was very similar to the other two movies. Radu’s a vampire and wants to kill people, but also hungers … for love … from Michelle. This movie takes it a bit further by having him actually begin to teach Michelle some cool vampire tricks, like disappearing and reappearing a short distance away. I actually enjoyed these pieces, much more than the rest of the movie that was kind of status quo. Of course there were a couple of things in this movie that didn’t mesh well with logic. Take, for instance, when Mel is hurriedly trying to drive away from danger with Becky, so he starts up the car, throws it into drive, pulls forward about three feet, and smashes into a tree. You’re supposed to be scared, not stupid. Later, he has a make out session with Becky, but it happens right after he’s telling a story about King Vladislas slaughtering a bunch of people, but I guess that worked for Ol’ Beck SnuffFilm. And then, later in the film, Becky decides to flat out tell Radu that she’s holding a gun with silver bullets (that I too yelled “Horse Shit!” at, but it was melted down from a crucifix). Why tell him and not just shoot the dangerous vampire in the face? Of course, later she does and it’s less than helpful anyway. The graphics in this movie were roughly the same as the previous one. Not too dark to see things in this movie, but nothing super spectacular. They had a cool smoke effect that was fairly well done and a nice part where a girl seamlessly disappeared into a shadow, but they also overused the shadow effects like they had started too in the last movie. Also (JOY!) they brought back the finger minions. The worst animation in the first movie pops back up at the end to help bring Radu back (aka set up another movie), but they’re slightly better animated this time.
The performances and the people are still the same. Anders Hove is still a pretty good vampire, but still definitely needs a cough drop for his raspy whisper problem. There were also times when him being butt-hurt over things Michelle was doing did not seem to fit the character idea I had for him. I liked him a little better when he just killed things and was kind of a dick. Denice Duff was still in the movie, and was still decent enough at being in the movie. She wasn’t really to blame for it, but I did get irritated by how many times she was able to convince Radu to do something by saying “I’ll do anything if …” or “I’ll do anything for …” I’m sure she has a rather impressive collection of Klondike bars, but it probably shouldn’t work more than once tops on a character like Radu. William Shatner’s daughter, Melanie, was in this movie again, but never really did that much for me. First, she kind of dressed like a lezzie for most of the movie, with her short hair and Andrew Dice Clay-style leather jackets. I assume she’ll be the one bringing Radu back in the next movie by pounding him on the chest and saying “Eeey.” She also did something that I’ll never understand in horror movies. When the unhappy, newly-turned vampire (Michelle) asks you to kill her, why do you not do it? Yeah, she’s your sister, but she’s also dead already and not too happy with her station. Maybe you should be a better sister, lezzie! I would TOTALLY kill my sister if she asked me to. I might even be willing to jump the gun on it.
My feelings remain unchanged. Solid story, performances that do what you expect, decent enough visuals for the budget I assume they have, and buckets of fake blood. A movie I would be okay with you watching, but good luck finding it. One more of these movies to watch and then I have to figure out something else to do. Bloodlust: Subspecies 3 gets “Okely Dokely” out of “Maybe I should just be paying better attention for quotes from the movie, instead of trying to find them online.”
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