0042 – Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan Review


0042 - Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

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Annabelle (2014)


There are Things Happening that I Can’t Explain.

Annabelle (2014)Today’s October Horrorthon movie snuck up on me. I had no awareness of its existence until I started seeing people talking about seeing it all over Facebook and started wondering what it was. Then I looked into it and realized it was a prequel to a movie I had reviewed more than a year ago and had found acceptable. It seemed only right that I take the time to review this movie as well. Especially since my friend Reechurd suggested we see it, and I had nothing better to do. So let’s talk about Annabelle, based on the stories of Ed and Lorraine Warren, written by Gary Dauberman, directed by John R. Leonetti, produced by James Wan, and starring Annabelle Wallis, Ward Horton, Tony Amendola, Alfre Woodard, Kerry O’Malley, Brian Howe, Eric Laden, and Tree O’Toole.

Two people go to Ed and Lorraine Warren because they thing their doll is haunted. We then jump back to the 60’s, where John Form (Ward Horton) gives a doll that Satan’s niece outgrew to his pregnant wife Mia (Annabelle Wallis). Then Charlie Manson calls for Helter Skelter and Mia hears her neighbors being murdered. Not satisfied, the murders then head to the Form house where the woman and the man stab Mia before John can intervene. The police arrive and shoot the man and find that the woman killed herself while holding Mia’s doll and drew a weird symbol on the wall in her blood. While recuperating from the attack, Mia sees on the news that the female stabber was the daughter of the neighbors that she killed. She also starts seeing weird things happening around the house like things moving, seeing people that disappear, popcorn tries to burn her house down. Y’know, the usual.

Can my entire review for a movie be the word “meh?” Probably not, but I will still use it in this review. I was a bit surprised because of all the talk I had heard about this movie that it just turned out to be okay. It had its moments, but there just wasn’t much significant about it. It progressed like almost every other haunting movie but this time there was a doll. A doll that no one realized was evil till it was possessed by a dead lady even though it looked like it would give the Devil nightmares before it was officially evil. But at least the setup for how the doll became evil was somewhat interesting with the whole devil worship, Helter Skelter thing.

The story doesn’t make much difference in these movies to be honest. What really matters in a movie like this are the spooks. They actually do fairly well with this. The scares are pretty well done and some are fairly clever. It was pretty interesting when Mia was finding the kid-drawn pictures of a garbage truck approaching her baby, even though the final one had the baby dead before the truck had technically hit the baby. But then when it actually happened it turned out to be a dream or something, and it turns out that stole that stroller moving on its own thing from Ghostbusters 2. I also thought it was really well done when that little girl ran down the hall and turned into the older Annabelle. That spooked me somethin’ fierce. It was also pretty effective when the pastor guy was knocked back from the door at the church, and it just made me wonder why the church wouldn’t just sanctify the entire plot of land the church was on. You can only do the building but can’t be bothered to spray some holy water on the sidewalk? They weren’t always that well hidden though, like the whole thing with the sewing machine. I got uncomfortable every time Mia was using it and they got a close up on her fingers, practically telling the audience that eventually some shit was going down with this sewing machine. When it eventually happened, I was disappointed that they seemed to build it up so much just to have her get a minor boo-boo on her finger. So the spooks were fairly good and clever when they happened, but it also shined a light on all the in-between times that were pretty slow and not very interesting.

I suppose I had no problems with the performances in the movie, but I generally have problems with the characters. Like Mia was a terrible person. She seemed fine through most of the movie, but then we find out that when she falls when she’s pregnant, she tries to break that fall with her pregnant belly. It’s a wonder that baby Lea was born and seemed normal, and even more amazing that the baby grows up to be the princess of Alderaan. And besides Ward Horton being delightfully Aryan and Tony Amendola making me believe he was Salieri from Amadeus, I have nothing to say about anyone else in the cast. They were good and didn’t do too many stupid things.

Annabelle wasn’t a bad movie; I just have no idea why people were bothering to talk about it. The Conjuring was just okay, so seeing a prequel to it certainly wasn’t inspiring to me. And the fact that it was about a haunted doll wasn’t doing it for me. And after seeing the movie, I still don’t really know why it’s being talked about. The story is okay, some of the scares are clever and well done, but it’s overall just nothing special. I’d say the movie is fine for a rental eventually, but it really doesn’t have anything that inspires me to say you should see it now. Annabelle gets “May God have mercy on your soul” out of “I like your dolls.”

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0041 – Leprechaun: Origins Review


0041 - Leprechaun: Origins Review

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Devil’s Due (2014)


The Devil’s Reject.

Devil's Due (2014)The October Horrorthon has returned, which means I intend to spend the month randomly watching horror movies as they cross my path, and probably getting around to reviewing some of them. The movie I’m reviewing today crossed my path inside a RedBox machine. I vaguely remember seeing commercials for it and thought it was a horror movie, so I picked it up. Turns out it was a horror movie, but was it worth picking up? Find out in my review for Devil’s Due, written by Lindsay Devlin, directed by Matt Bettinelli-Oplin and Tyler Gillett, and starring Zach Gilford, Allison Miller, Sam Anderson, Aimee Carrero, Vanessa Ray, Michael Papajohn (wait … that’s a name?), Griff Furst, Robert Aberdeen, and Sammy Pizzahut (I’m guessing).

Zach (Zach Gilford) and Samantha McCall (Allison Miller) are a newly married couple that go to the Dominican Republic on their honeymoon. And you know what happens when people go to the Dominican Republic? That’s right! They get drugged and Samantha gets a demon baby put inside her. Same thing that happens to everyone that travels to the Dominican Republic. I really don’t know why people keep going there… Anyway, weird things start happening to Samantha because there’s a demon baby in her or whatever. Blah blah blah Rosemary’s Baby.

My description is perhaps a bit misleading. It makes it seem as though I hated this movie. That’s not really the case. I mean, I really remember liking this movie when it was called Rosemary’s Baby. This version just wasn’t as good as that one. I assume someone watched Rosemary’s Baby and said, “What if this happened today? And was all found footage? People love (and are not at all tired of) those movies!” I personally still see potential value in the found footage style. It works sometimes. It wasn’t too bad in this movie, but I really did start to realize that the beginnings can be super awkward and boring as you get to watch their awkward moments from their boring lives missed in with a sweaty nonsense explanation for why this guy thinks every moment of their lives should be recorded. “My dad recorded everything so I figure I should compile 70,000 hours of uncut footage of boring stuff for our child to be forced to watch eventually.” And then I saw the scene where the lady is eating raw meat and assembling a creepy looking baby stroller and I realized this was Rosemary’s Baby. That makes sense; Rosemary’s Baby was a great movie. The problem is that the found footage thing you went for takes all the mystery out of it. In Rosemary’s Baby there was a chance she imagine the whole devil rape thing. In this movie we watched it happen on a video camera.

I would say the look of the movie is pretty effective. The blood looks good, the effects look good and the CG stuff works well. …That is all.

There were actors in this movie as well, but I can’t say that I had many thoughts about them. Zach Gilford was just a dude. Nothing particularly special about him one way or another. Allison Miller worked well. She was pretty likeable and pulled off the creepy stuff pretty well. The only problem I had was with Robert Aberdeen as the second doctor. The delivery of his lines was so obvious that he might as well have been saying, “Your other doctor won’t be back because the cult I’m with killed her so that we could watch your demon baby. It’s hard to explain … have you seen Rosemary’s Baby? It’s like that.”

The Devil’s Due is not a bad movie. The acting is mostly good, it never really got boring (nor did it come close to being scary), and the story was fairly decent. It just happens that all of those things were much better when this movie was Rosemary’s Baby. So I guess my recommendation for Devil’s Due is that you should definitely watch Rosemary’s Baby. Devil’s Due gets “Devil’s Due-not” out of “Get it?!?!”

WATCH REVIEWS HERE!  YouTube  OTHER JOKES HERE!  Twitter  BE A FAN HERE!  Facebook  If you like these reviews so much, spread the word.  Keep me motivated!  Also, if you like them so much, why don’t you marry them?!