Are You Going to Rape and Kill Me Later?
The only inspiration I had for watching today’s movie was my love of the main actress in it. I know I’ve said that I was in love with probably 20 actresses by now, but I like to keep my options open. And that’s kind of what today’s movie is about. I knew the basic premise of today’s movie and knew that it was a comedy, but was mainly drawn to the movie by the star. I’m sure there was a point when it was available on RedBox, but I found the movie on Netflix and got the disc sent to me. So let’s check in with What’s Your Number?, written by Gabrielle Allan and Jennifer Crittenden, directed by Mark Mylod, and starring Anna Faris, Chris Evans, Ari Graynor, Blythe Danner, Ed Begley Jr., Heather Burns, Eliza Coupe, Kate Simses, Tika Sumpter, Dave Annable, Joel McHale, Chris Pratt, Zachary Quinto, Martin Freeman, Andy Samberg, Thomas Lennon, Anthony Mackie, Mike Vogel, and Aziz Ansari.
Ally Darling (Anna Faris) makes the mistake of reading an article that says that the average number of sexual relationships a woman has is 10.5. Ally has had 19. Finding that her number is so much higher than all of the people she knows, and the article saying that women that are too sexually available never find a husband, Ally resolves to not have sex again until she’s found her husband. It goes great for her … for all of a few hours, when she gets really drunk at her sisters bachelorette party and sleeps with her ex-boss Roger (Joel McHale). Having reached 20, and having no desire to stay with the ball scratcher/finger sniffer Roger, Ally decides that her only solution is to find all of the other 19 guys she’s slept with to determine if they are better prospects since the last time they were in her. She enlists the help of her neighbor, Colin (Chris Evans), and gets started on some poor decision making.
I was vaguely fond of this movie, but probably not for many reasons you’ll find in this paragraph. The story didn’t really connect with me. It seemed like some chick read an article in Marie Claire, got pissed because it made her look like a whore, and then decided to make a movie that vindicated her. I don’t know if 10 is the actual number or not, but if someone is worried about how guys will feel about their number then they should probably be more discerning with their vagina. I can’t speak for all guys, but I’d say that I personally wouldn’t care that much about what a girl’s number was as long as she didn’t have a kid or any other venereal diseases. Most of Ally’s reactions to her predicament annoyed me with how little they made sense. Her first reaction is to get sloppy drunk at a bar. Yeah, ‘cause no one’s ever slept with someone under those circumstances. Well, Ally was able to be the first person to do it, ruining her number and leaving her in the situation where she made her next poor decision to try to find old boyfriends. As they pointed out in the movie, you probably left those guys for a reason. Also, if you tell a guy that you had sex with 20 guys, his reaction will probably not be much different than telling him you had 21. So, instead of locking your vag and looking through your old black book, do what you should have been doing already and hold out on the sex until you like a guy. But that probably wouldn’t have made much of a movie premise, so we let it slide so long as they make a funny movie. They never really manage to pull that off either. I would say that this movie finishes as “cute”, but the actual laughs in the movie are few and far between. They try often enough, but I’d say the movie only managed about three laughs out of me. I appreciated that Ally realized, as she was climbing a wall to get to someone, that she probably should’ve just waited for him at his apartment. It was what I was thinking at that point and it got a laugh out of me that they pointed out that it didn’t make that much sense. The movie also follows a pretty basic romantic comedy pattern, but it does it so slowly that the lack of some real funniness leaves you wishing they would just get to the conclusion that you know they’re heading towards already. Another thing that I’m pretty sure I’ve noticed in other romantic comedies is that they always pick the strangest little hobbies for the main character to enjoy and somehow find employment from. I remember in Bridesmaids that Kristen Wiig’s character loved to make cupcakes. In this movie, Ally strangely loves to make creepy little dioramas that Mr. Right tells her she should do for a living. Why can’t they ever do something normal and more typical with their time, like writing reviews in all of their free time?
I think the performances are what charmed me the most in this movie. I’ve been a big fan of Anna Faris since the first time I saw her. Not only do I find her gorgeous, but she’s typically very funny in all of the movies she’s in. She’s never really been given the opportunity to participate in a really good comedy, and I have no idea why. I think she’s got great comedic timing and tends to bring it to all of her movies. In this movie, she did what she could with material that was spotty at best. The real thing she brought for me was intense hotness and being almost naked numerous times in the movie. And what’s more is that I feel the exact same bunch of stuff can be said for Chris Evans. He’s really good looking, he was nearly naked a lot in this movie, and he’s a pretty good comedic actor. He’s had much better luck in his career than Anna Faris has, but mostly with action flicks. Though he was the comic relief in Losers and the Fantastic Four movies, the only actual comedy I’ve seen him in before this was Not Another Teen Movie, but he was pretty funny in that. I liked Ari Graynor as well, though the only thing that sticks with me that she did was that I liked her vows at her wedding. I also found the crew that they got as representatives of the 20 guys Ally had sex with were interesting. The majority of them were pretty big actors that just popped in for a scene. People like Joel McHale, Zachary Quinto, Martin Freeman, Andy Samberg, Thomas Lennon, Anthony Mackie, the voice of Aziz Ansari, and Anna Faris’ real life husband Chris Pratt.
What’s Your Number? manages to make up for what it’s missing in quality writing and comedy with its two main actors. It’s got a couple of solid laughs in the movie, but they’re too far spread out and left me just wanting them to cut to the chase and reach the conclusion that you can see coming from about 20 minutes in. If you’re in the market for a romantic comedy, you could do much worse than this one and it’s at least worth a watch. If you’ve no interest in a romantic comedy, then you have no real reason to pay this movie any mind. What’s Your Number? gets “I know that I’m not perfect, but I wanna be with somebody who appreciates me” out of “How’s your blow job?”
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