WATCH REVIEWS HERE! YouTube OTHER JOKES HERE! Twitter BE A FAN HERE! Facebook If you like these reviews so much, spread the word. Keep me motivated! Also, if you like them so much, why don’t you marry them?!
Ride or Die, Remember?
I was personally not that interested in seeing the movie that I am reviewing. This is the sixth part in a movie series I have been mostly disinterested in all the way through. Whichever ones I saw of the first four did nothing for me, though I did enjoy the fifth one for what it was. When they released the sixth one, I still couldn’t muster any interest in it because 1/5 is still not a great ratio. But my friend Greg said that the sixth was worth seeing, more like the fifth than the other four that preceded. Jesus I’m sick of typing numbers! Let me do just one more as I review Fast & Furious 6, written by Chris Morgan, directed by Justin Lin, and starring Vin Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez, Paul Walker, Dwayne Johnson, Luke Evans, Gina Carano, Tyrese Gibson, Chris Bridges, Sung Kang, Gal Gadot, John Ortiz, Joe Taslim, Clara Paget, Kim Kold, Jordana Brewster, and Elsa Pataky.
Dominic Toretto (Vin Diesel) and his gang – Roman Pearce (Tyrese Gibson), Tej Parker (Chris Bridges), Han Seoul-Oh (Sung Kang), and Gisele Yashar (Gal Gadot) – have retired after becoming rich from their successful heist in Rio, and because Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker) and Dom’s sister Mia (Jordana Brewster) have spawned. DSS agent Luke Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson) and his partner Riley Hicks (Gina Carano) have other things in mind for them, such as taking down a former British Special Forces soldier turned bad, Owen Shaw (Luke Evans), before he builds something bad. But Hobbs would need something big to make Dom come out of retirement and get the band back together, and something much more important than that being the cliché that starts all of these sorts of movies. Hobbs has just the thing. Dom’s former girlfriend and current amnesiac Letty Ortiz (Michelle Rodriguez) is a member of Shaw’s team. Let’s get these cliché’s started!
I didn’t go into this movie with any expectations, and I was right. Story is probably never going to be a strong point of the Fast movies, and I’m sure no one goes in with expectations of anything different. But the story of this movie was quite a trudge for me. How hard can you dig into the cliché barrel in one movie? Coming out of retirement. Getting the band back together. Amnesia. It’s like soap opera quality writing with a few more explosions and face-punches. And we got the band back together on the last movie! So you’re not only using clichés, you’re RE-using clichés! And if elements of your story hadn’t already been done to death, you could only manage passing sense with your own story elements. You have an important mission to accomplish, but you can take time out in the middle for a random street race? I know you could argue that Dom did it thinking that Letty would be there, but what was her justification for it? I think the only real argument you could make was that this is a Fast movie so they felt obligated to do it, whether it made sense or not. Maybe they just did it to keep the audience from getting bored, but it didn’t work on me. I was well into bored by the time Shaw and Dom met up after that for their scheduled dick-measuring contest. It also made no damned sense that Brian went back to LA to find out how Letty got involved. He flies back, gets himself arrested, gets himself thrown into solitary confinement, all just to talk to a mob boss and find out what bullshit they made up to justify Letty surviving the explosion that supposedly killed her. But then he returns and Dom says that information was just for him, and even Letty doesn’t care to hear about it, just accepting Brian’s apology and moving on. So that was a giant waste of time. The one-liners in the movie were hit-and-miss, but more miss than anything else. I liked Letty’s line about Team Muscle and Team Pussy, but a later line of “That ain’t a plane; it’s a planet” is just awful.
Let’s face facts: most people that are interested in this movie have no interest in the things I wrote about in the story paragraph. Hell, some of them can’t even read it. So let’s talk about the action. It was decent. The greater majority of the action in the bulk of the movie was nothing altogether spectacular to me, but I would give Fast 6 the credit for having a climax of the movie even more ridiculous and spectacular than the last movie, but it does take a little away from it that they spoil it right in the trailer. So they’ll take a plane down with cars and cables, eh? I don’t know if that’s physically possible, but I already know it’ll happen. And I didn’t even search out trailers for this movie! Spoilers were forced upon me! But I’ve also never really had that much interest in car stuff, so I started liking a little better when they threw a tank into the mix. I did think the race car was an interesting idea, using its leverage to topple opposition cars, but I also didn’t understand how it was so hard to take out when its wheels were completely exposed. The face-punching stuff was pretty good when it happened as well. The fight inside the plane was pretty exciting, and kind of reminded me of Uncharted, but I really spent the entire fight waiting for the inevitable moment when Hobbs threw down against Shaw’s giant muscle dude. I also found myself bothered by the fights between Letty and Hicks, because Letty came out on top both times. I know Letty was more the hero of the story and so she should win, but I do not accept Michelle Rodriguez winning a fight against Gina Carano. No matter how much Michelle Rodriguez acts like a man; Gina Carano would beat that ass.
Most of the performances were entirely underwhelming, as expected. Vin Diesel is rarely my cup of tea. He always talks like he’s being choked by his own neck muscles, or like the lady with a tracheotomy in the anti-smoking commercials. I’ve seen Paul Walker act once. I’ve seen him in many movies, but I’ve only seen him pull off acting once. This was not that movie. He wasn’t particularly bad in this one; he was just a non-entity. I do, however, tend to like Dwayne Johnson whenever I see him. He’s got a lot of charisma and is ripped as hell. He outshines everyone else in this movie easily, but that also doesn’t really seem like it’d be that difficult.
Fast & Furious 6 came slightly below meeting the expectations that I didn’t have for it. The story was cliché and predictable, and the acting was mostly underwhelming. The action was decent enough, and probably much more interesting to people that like action involving cars, but I personally was getting bored with most of the movie right up to the climax that was ridiculous and spectacular enough to make this movie just pass as watchable. If you like the other movies in the series, you’ve probably already seen it. Otherwise, I’d recommend this movie for a rental. Fast & Furious 6 gets “This code you live by makes you predictable” out of “If that’s what it takes. I just wanna race.”
I’d Offer You a Beer, But It Seems You Blew Up My Bar.
The first day of my challenge leading up to my birthday gets things kicked off with a bang. I’ve picked my favorite movie in the action genre. There are a few things I’d like to make clear when it comes to these selections. First, I’m not saying that today’s movie is the hands down best action movie ever made. I’m saying it’s my favorite. It’s my birthday and I’ll review what I want to! Second, it also had to be a movie that I haven’t already reviewed because it wouldn’t really count as one a day if I just copied and pasted a previous review. And third, I didn’t want them to cross categories. Also, I kind of just looked through my DVD’s and grabbed any candidates that occurred to me. So yeah, I may have forgotten about movies like Terminator 2 and Predator, but I’m comfortable with the decision I made. Like I said before, it’s not necessarily the best action movie, but certainly a favorite of mine. And so, I bring you my review of The Rundown, written by James Vanderbilt and R.J. Stewart, directed by Peter Berg, and starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Seann William Scott, Christopher Walken, Rosario Dawson, William Lucking, Ewen Bremner, Ernie Reyes Jr., and Jon Gries.
Beck (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) is a retrieval expert who is pretty damned good at what he does, even though he’s not that into his profession. He only does it to pay off a debt that he owes his boss, Billy Walker (William Lucking) and to get enough money to open his own restaurant. Billy offers Beck one more job to clear his debt and earn enough money to achieve his goal. That job: go to South America and retrieve Billy’s son, Travis (Seann William Scott), who is down there searching for a golden artifact called “el Gato Diablo”. Beck catches a ride with an eccentric pilot named Declan (Ewen Bremner) and starts his search. Beck’s even kind enough to pay a visit (and a lot of money) to the corrupt de facto owner of the town, Cornelius Bernard Hatcher (Christopher Walken), to make sure he’s not stepping on any toes. He finds Travis at a bar owned by Mariana (Rosario Dawson), but he also finds trouble when Hatcher decides that Travis was close to finding the Gato and he no longer feels like Beck should take him.
I guess this contest is not going to be bringing any surprises when it comes to my opinion, so the fun will have to lie in the justification. I love this movie. I will grant the conceit that things in this movie have been done before, and the movie also seems disinterested in surprising you along the way. What it wants is fun, and it delivers that throughout. But, as always, we’ll focus on story first. The basic idea of the story is a combination of various things that have been done many times in the past. It’s a bounty hunter movie, it’s a rebellion against oppressive forces movie, it’s a buddy picture, and it’s even kind of a love story that they start and don’t finish. In fact, the greater majority of the buddy picture parts of this movie seemed straight out of my dim recollection of the Damon Wayans/Adam Sandler movie Bulletproof; a movie that I kind of want to watch now that I’ve thought about it. But that will have to wait until after the contest is finished. But we already know that it’s the journey and not the destination, and the journey is very well done. Loads of good action, great scenery to put around it, and some clever dialogue to boot. When Beck was talking to his boss in the beginning about not wanting to get the money from the starting lineup of a football team, not because he’s worried about injury for himself but because he’s worried that he’ll hurt them and “they have a good chance of repeating”, it’s funny and lets us know that this guy is a badass. A good amount of the funny that came from Travis seemed like it was improvised. Seann William Scott talked a lot, but a decent enough portion was funny. Calling Beck “Wolfgang Stuck” amused me. I also liked when he played the rebels against Beck. The baboons humping Beck’s face was a little low-brow, but that’s not to say I didn’t think it was funny. I felt like they could’ve tried harder with the rebels. They seemed to try to rush us to caring about them with a quick conversation and the handing over of a necklace, but we didn’t have enough time to get to know them to actually care about what would happen to them.
I loved the action in this movie. On occasion, I’d say I’ve had my fill of shootouts in movies. They’re usually not that visually interesting. I get the feeling that Peter Berg agrees with me to some degree because he made his main character refuse to use guns. People would pull guns, but he’d quickly disarm them and get to the beatings. And who would’ve known that a fight with “Get Your Freak On” by Missy Elliot playing in the background would work? Not me before this movie did it, I’ll tell you that much. But Beck was so against using guns that he found other creative ways to use guns. The one I liked the most was when he tripped Travis by popping the clip out of the gun, causing it to slide across the floor and underneath his foot, causing him to fall on his ass. There are also two possible outcomes to your main character having an aversion to guns. The first one is that he’ll have a sappy, mopey story about how a gun killed his wife or some shit, and the second is that he’ll pick up guns and be epic with them. Thankfully, they chose the latter. We know it’s coming, but he uses those guns in such awesome and creative ways – ways I’ve never seen guns used before or after – that I don’t give a damn. Some of the things that Beck does in the movie border on superhuman, but I actually believe it from the Rock.
I loved every single performance in this movie. For someone with a less than admirable job, the Rock always came off as extra charming. This first occurred to me when he was accidentally getting the autograph from the quarterback in the beginning of the movie. He had such happiness on his face, like a child getting an autograph from Mickey Mouse. He doesn’t keep that innocence for long because it quickly becomes time to beat some ass. For some reason, the Rock is really good at fake fighting. I can’t figure it out. Probably just a natural gift. Seann William Scott was playing a lot more for comedy. He wasn’t always funny, maybe landing on about 70% of the random things he said, but he was still good. What helped it more was that he and the Rock had a great chemistry that made all of their parts together that much better. Christopher Walken is fantastic in this movie. He’s definitely funny, especially coming from someone who knew he was watching a movie and that this character wasn’t real. But, even though he was funny, I get the feeling that I wouldn’t want to be anywhere around that character if he was real. He pulled off intimidation very well. But it’s Christopher Walken. What do you expect? I get the feeling that Rosario Dawson wasn’t really trying to be sexy at all in this movie. Thankfully, she has no say in the matter. You’re gonna be sexy and you’re gonna like it, missy! She also had a great character. She was also very charming and certainly no damsel in distress. Ewen Bremner was the comic relief character and you know what I generally say about comic relief people: only this guy has done it without annoying me that I can presently think of. His big joke was mainly his super thick accent, but he worked it well.
I love the Rundown and I don’t care who knows it. This is one of the best, and most fun, action movies that I can think of. The story is basic, unsurprising, and it’s been done before, but some great writing, fantastic action, and outstanding performances elevate it to be one of my favorite action movies ever. Of course you should watch this movie! You should own this movie! And you should fuck yourself if you disagree with me. The Rundown gets “Establish dominance! Establish dominance!” out of “Have fun.”
Congratulations goes to my friend Eric for being the one who finally guessed the movie. And a special shout out goes to Chris and Fabio for trying so hard.
Let’s get these reviews more attention, people. Post reviews on your webpages, tell your friends, do some of them crazy Pinterest nonsense. Whatever you can do to help my reviews get more attention would be greatly appreciated. You can also add me on FaceBook (Robert T. Bicket) and Twitter (iSizzle). Don’t forget to leave me some comments. Your opinions and constructive criticisms are always appreciated.
Live Free. Rule Well.
This review request serves two purposes. The first is that it’s a trilogy and one that, by the end of these reviews, will probably make the Jurassic Park trilogy look so much better. The second purpose it serves is to knock out another review request from coworker Eric. Today’s movie is not the movie that was requested, but the first part in the trilogy. Eric suggested that I review the third movie, which will most likely be awful. I decided to watch all three, so that I don’t get left out of the highly cerebral storyline. Well, let’s jump into it. The first movie in this trilogy is a spinoff of another movie franchise called The Mummy, making this movie The Scorpion King, written by Stephen Sommers, William Osborne, and David Hayter, directed by Chuck Russell, and starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Steven Brand, Kelly Hu, Michael Clarke Duncan, Bernard Hill, Grant Heslov, Peter Facinelli, Branscombe Richmond, Roger Rees, Ralph Moeller, and Tyler Mane.
The Akkadians are the baddest group of assassin’s in the land. The last three remaining Akkadians – Mathayus (The Rock), his half-brother Jesup (Branscombe Richmond), and some other random dude – are hired by King Pheron (Roger Rees) to kill the sorcerer that is bringing victory to the Egyptian Emperor Memnon (Steven Brand) with her prophetic powers. The three Akkadians get into Memnon’s camp and are instantly ambushed, having been betrayed by King Pheron’s son, Takmet (Peter Facinelli). Mathayus escapes the ambush, but the other two Akkadians fall. Mathayus gets into the tent of the sorcerer but finds that it is not some old dude as you’d expect. Instead, it’s super hot Cassandra (Kelly Hu). Memnon and his troops enter the tent and capture Mathayus, but Cassandra predicts that horrible things will happen to Memnon if he orders Mathayus executed. Instead, Mathayus is sentenced to be buried in the sand and have ants eat his head, along with horse thief Arpid (Grant Heslov). Together, they escape, and Mathayus sets his sights on getting revenge on Memnon.
Much like the majority of the movies that this movie spun off from, I found this movie to be a lot of fun. It’s not particularly smart or well-written, but it’s fun and has some great fight scenes in it. And, since that should be what you expect when going into a movie like this, you should leave fairly satisfied. The opening of the movie serves little purpose to the story and is only there to show that The Rock is a badass. He’s just going in and saving his brother from some small group of people that are going to kill him, and he does with extreme prejudice. Immediately afterwards, this scene is completely forgotten about because, as I said, it had nothing to do with the story. But it was a pretty badass fight. It sets up how badass the Rock is by having him inexplicably climbing up a cliff with a giant boulder attached to his back (the point of which I still don’t know), then he drops in through the chimney, emerges from a cloud of smoke, and whoops ass on everyone in the tent single-handedly. He even knocks someone out by wrapping his bow around their head, pulling it taught, and letting it snap on their face. That’s the international sign of a badass. The movie’s actual story picks up right after this scene. It’s a decent story without any surprises, but it’s mainly just set up for more fights. It’s a basic tale of revenge that is then superseded by taking out an evil ruler for the greater good, then you throw a little love story in the middle. But the action and the fights are fun, some of the dialogue borders on clever, while other parts of the dialogue are just cheesy. Like at the end of the clash of the titans (The Rock and Michael Clarke Duncan) where the Rock says “We are brothers in the same cause”, and should probably be given an award for delivering that line while keeping a straight face. It’s the kind of movie that you just need to shut your brain off and look at all the pretty colors. If you don’t, you may get bothered by the fact that they totally ripped off Indiana Jones by having him cut the giant gong thing off and rolling it out the window to escape a hail of arrows.
The performances accomplished what they came to do. Personally, I like watching the Rock. I don’t know if everyone feels the same as I do, but that guy’s charismatic. And, above that, he’s so much better at fake ass-kicking than most action movie stars. One person I like watching way more than the Rock is Kelly Hu. Gundamn that’s a good lookin’ bird! And this movie features her in one of two phases: nearly naked, and completely naked. Yeah, you don’t see anything because of strategically placed hair, but I’m okay with it. I know that Michael Clarke Duncan can really bring it in the acting department, but he left it at home for this movie. He didn’t need his acting chops for this movie. It seems like he likes to just do a couple of dumb movies that he’ll have fun with, and that’s what he did here. I never really believed Steven Brand as a badass. I just can’t see this unimpressive white boy being a threat to the Rock. It’s kind of the same thing they did in Shanghai Knights, where they decided the bad guy would be this unimpressive white guy so they just said that he was the greatest sword fighter ever so you have to just give it a pass.
An unimpressive story and some corny dialogue does very little to remove this movie from the soft spot in my heart … that I still need to get a doctor to look at. Good action, fun times, and an appealing cast – including the Rock in his first starring role and super hot Kelly Hu – makes this movie enjoyable. I actually purchased this twice, but I’m not saying that as cause for you to purchase it at least once. I just upgraded to BluRay. I cannot promise that you will have the same kind of fun with this movie as I did, but it’s at least worth watching. The Scorpion King gets “I’ll kill half, you kill half” out of “No need for concern, Miss.”
Hey, peeps. Why not rate and comment on this as a favor to good ole Robert, eh? And tell your friends! Let’s make me famous!
We Talkin’ or We Racin’?
Today’s movie was not so much of a review request, but a viewing request from my roommate Richard. He watched the movie yesterday and liked it so much that I had to watch it ASAP, and he liked it so much that he would watch it with me the day after watching it himself. I, however, was very skeptical. This movie is the 5th in a series of movies I’ve either hated or had no interest in whatsoever. But we all know that I’ll watch anything, and this movie was at least a big budget movie unlike other crap I’ve watched. So let’s see how this turned out. Today’s review is of Fast Five, written by Chris Morgan, directed by Justin Lin, and starring Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Jordana Brewster, Joaquim de Almeida, Tyrese Gibson, Chris “Ludacris” Bridges, Matt Schulze, Sung Kang, Gal Gadot, Tego Calderon, Don Omar, Elsa Pataky, and Geoff Meed.
Mia Toretto (Jordana Brewster) and her boyfriend Brian O’Conner (Paul Walker) break Mia’s brother, Dom (Vin Diesel), out of a bus taking him to jail. They go to Rio de Janeiro, get hunted by DSS agent Luke Hobbs (Dwayne Johnson), run afoul of crime lord Hernan Reyes (Joaquim de Almeida), and plan a heist to take all of Reyes’ money. They set up a team with Han Seoul-Oh (Sung Kang), Roman Pearce (Tyrese Gibson), Tej Parker (Ludacris), Gisele Yashar (Gal Gadot), Tego Leo (Tego Calderon), and Rico Santos (Don Omar) to accomplish the task of taking $100 million dollars from Reyes. But fuck all that “story” nonsense! Let’s smash cars with a safe!
I’m perfectly comfortable admitting the fact that I have little to no interest in cars and am a fairly poor excuse for a man. What I do tend to appreciate (possibly more than I should) is a big, dumb action movie. And that is the reason why Fast Five gets a “check it out” from me. That sounds like I’m ending the review. NAY! Just getting started. The story is a little dumb and filled with plot holes, but the action scenes are so absurd and awesome that I could not help but like this thing. Let’s take our good news first and talk about the action. This movie jumps immediately into it when 3 cars have to pull off a precision maneuver to flip over the bus that has Vin Diesel on it. They succeed, although I’m pretty sure he was the only person to survive it. Then there’s some story, then there’s a big fight scene on a train. It was pretty cool how they were getting the vehicles off of the train in the first place, and that immediately preceded a pretty brutal and awesome fight scene. Blah blah blah, a couple more races, and then the super climactic finale involving two cars, an improbably dragged safe, and a shit ton of safe-smashed objects. In between there was a race that confused me, though. Vin Diesel, Paul Walker, Tyrese Gibson, and Sung Kang had all stolen identical cop cars and decide (without any real good reason) to have a street race with each other. The pointlessness of this decision is not what gets me though. Now, I don’t know much about cars, but if you had 4 identical cars with 4 professional drivers behind the wheels, wouldn’t they all go the same speed? Get back to me on that, readers. Or don’t. I don’t really want to know. Also, since we’re talking action, even the subtitles in this movie are in a hurry. As soon as you’ve read them, they speed off the screen. They were cute at first, but they get old pretty quick.
It won’t surprise many that the story of this movie was lackluster and was full of plot holes. It’s not why you came though; you can admit that to yourself. I have. But, I’m reviewing this thing, so I at least have to type it. Let’s go in order, because that’s how I took my notes. First off, do you think anybody has ever put Rio de Janeiro in a movie without an establishing shot of that giant Jesus? Anyways, the dialogue is pretty bad and predictable here. You can see almost every punchline coming from a mile away. Not to jokes. I’m not sure there were any. But most statements are set up in joke form, with a set up and a punchline finisher. At a certain point I realized, if I tried, I could probably finish most of these people’s sentences for them. Around the middle of the movie, our team breaks in to a Reyes facility wearing masks and then they pull them off and show themselves to their captives, telling them to tell their boss what they did. If you planned this, why not just go in sans mask? They burn the money after this. The rest of the money is in 9 different locations. Reyes says to himself, “Well, since they’re after my money which is separated and difficult to get to, I think I’ll bring all of it together and put it in a safe. No one’s EVER gotten into one of those!” The Rock’s character is able to figure out who is on Vin’s team from an intersection camera, but really that would mean he and his team looked through every car that went through that intersection and, through dumb luck, stumbled on the masked team passing through it. And THEN, using technology that I’m not sure exists, used a computer to identify them using only their eyes. Is that possible? I mean, I could tell it was the Asian dude by his eyes, but only because he was the only Asian in all of Rio de Janeiro. The process of the team getting to the safe is pretty stupid as well. At first, Tyrese tries to talk his way in using a badge and ID so poorly counterfeited that it actually says he’s Caucasian. The desk guard doesn’t allow him in, but also doesn’t bother to arrest him or report the incident as suspicious. Cashiers at Best Buy have more sense. (No offense, cashiers from Best Buy) Then they let two of the team disguised as random janitors waltz right in and cut a hole in the wall to tap into the security cameras. Not only is there no background check, but no one brings up how the police managed not to notice a giant square had been cut into the wall. They didn’t have any plaster with them, so even if they replaced the slab of cement they removed, someone could have thought about that square in the wall. A lot of what they get away with in this movie depends heavily on everyone else being stupid. This camera footage leads to them spending days trying to make it through a course trying to avoid the cameras until they finally say “Fuck it, we’ll just steal cop cars.” Why not start with that idea?! Also – as I think is typical for these racing-type movies – it seems as if the writers use NOS as a deus ex machina type of thing. Like they write themselves into a corner like “People will believe 2 cars can drag a giant safe around without putting a scratch in the road, but one car? How are we going to do that? Slap some NOS in that car we haven’t seen until now!” There’s also a race in the movie when they acquire a car they never use. Why isn’t this in the action paragraph? ‘Cause they didn’t show it! They apparently thought people came to this movie for the dialogue. Not that it matters, most of the dialogue is drowned out by the action. And not that THAT matters, because the dialogue isn’t very good.
Here’s the thing that has popped into my head during any of the Fast/Furious movies that kept popping up in this movie as well: Paul Walker is the worst. The worst ever at everything. He’s got no charisma whatsoever, and every line he delivers makes it seem like he’s super bored. And that’s not just this movie, but every movie I’ve seen him in save for Running Scared. And I don’t even remember what happened in that. I just recall seeing a movie he wasn’t awful in. It’s a bit harsh, but true. Singling him out from the get-go does not let everyone else off the hook. Almost everyone in this movie did nothing to wow me. The Rock was the best actor in this movie, which isn’t a backhanded compliment. I like the Rock. I’ve never seen him really stretch his acting chops, but he is charming on screen so I’m never sad to see him. And not only is he charming, but he throws down better than most action stars. Richard and I wondered as we watched this movie how many times these people broke into laughter at the other person’s performances. Vin Diesel wasn’t bad, but he didn’t really have any charisma here. Jordana Brewster is cute, but not hot enough, and she never wore anything that caused me to even glance at her. Gal Gadot was brought in for the hotness, which she does have AND she gets into a bikini, but she borders on TOO skinny.
That is probably the most I’ve ever made fun of a movie that I actually claimed to enjoy. The plot holes are abundant, the story mediocre, and the dialogue bad and predictable. If you’re going to see Fast Five for it’s highly cerebral storyline (Thanks for the joke, Seth MacFarlane!), you’ll be disappointed … and stupid. Very stupid. We know why we watched this: the action! And it has that. The action was spread out by crappy story a little much for my taste, but the spectacular stunts are worth sitting through that. I say see this movie. You can fast forward through the talking, if you like. You won’t miss much. Fast Five gets “This shit just went from mission: impossible to mission: in-freaking-sanity” out of “This doesn’t make any sense”.
Hey, peeps. Why not rate and comment on this as a favor to good ole Robert, eh? And tell your friends! Let’s make me famous!