Sex and the City (2008)

There are few movies that I would not watch of my own accord and now, at the request of my sister, I have finally watched one of them.  And thank goodness I did, else I would not have seen Sex and the City, starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Cynthia Nixon, Chris Noth, and Mario Cantone.

Carrie Bradshaw (Sarah Jessica Parker) decides to buy a sweet penthouse apartment with her boyfriend Big (Chris Noth).  Soon after, to soothe her doubts about living in an apartment he purchased, he proposes marriage with her.  Meanwhile, Samantha (Kim Cattrall) is living in LA with her actor boyfriend and often leaves to go back to New York to be with the other girls because her relationship is becoming stagnant and she’s more used to throwing her vagina around.  Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) finds out her husband has cheated on her and separates from him.  Charlotte (Kristin Davis) seemingly is without incident.  Carrie starts preparing for her wedding and, on the day before the wedding and after an argument with her husband, Miranda tells Big that he and Carrie are fools for getting married.  This puts doubt in Big’s mind.  On the day of the wedding, Big has not shown up.  She calls him and he tells her he can’t go through with it.  He quickly regrets his decision and rushes back to her, but she rejects him, feeling humiliated by him not showing up.  The 4 girls go on Carrie’s honeymoon with her to try to cheer her up, and the rest of the movie shows us if these situations can be resolved in 2 hours.

I feel odd even saying the words but this was a really good movie.  It was equal parts funny and touching as we watch 4 close friends dealing with their lives which are both extravagant and relatable.  The movie takes various methods to keep you enthralled such as the story, the visuals, the humor, and the performances.

That being said, it was complete horseshit.  This movie sucked out loud.  How could women possibly not only watch this tripe, but call it awesome?  Seriously, it was all I could muster to produce 3 lines of mockingly complimentary comments.

So this story is actually about a collection of 4 overdramatic, superficial bitches making their situations worse but blaming it on those evil men.  When Carrie gets engaged she starts making a huge deal out of it and that starts to give Big the jitters.  She tells her friends that she wants them to be jealous of her.  If you wanted them to be jealous, you should get a nose job.  Then when his jitters lead to him getting too nervous to show up for a second, they flip out.  When he returns, Charlotte yells at him as if they just walked into a room and found him eating that annoying little Asian kid alive.  And then when Miranda tells Charlotte that she was pretty much the cause of it, she tells her it wasn’t her fault.  “Don’t worry, Miranda, it can’t be your fault.  You’re a woman.”  Even Carrie forgives Miranda for causing it almost instantly, instead getting mad about the fact that she kept it secret.  It may perhaps sound misogynistic and I am not one to condone cheating, but when Miranda’s husband cheats because she’s not had sex with him for 6 months and when they finally did, she told him they should just get it over with.  And yet, somehow, she was shocked when it happened.  Of course he cheated on you, bitch.  He was driven out of his mind with overflowing semen and having been emasculated and you expect him to be loyal to the ugliest of the 4 girls from Sex and the City?  You should be praising the Lord that it only happened once.

What passes as comedy in this movie is the only thing laughable about it.  Kim Cattrall’s man gives her a gift stuffed in his underpants and I assumed that was meant to be either romantic or humorous.  At one point Cattrall actually calls someone “dickwad” and people applaud instead of sighing heavily as I did.  Later they joke about how unkempt Miranda is because she’s not waxed in a while and they actually forced me to see the pubes sticking out from under her bikini.  Shortly after, Charlotte craps herself after getting some Mexican water in her mouth.  So they take the only one of the girls that’s attractive and ruins her by making herself shit her pants.

These bitches were so annoying on top of everything else with the movie.  Their concerns are more about shoes than their relationships.  At one point it seems as if the biggest thing on Carrie’s plate is the fact that her area code has changed.

The acting was not that bad, though I imagine the women themselves are not far removed from their characters.  The problems with this movie is everything around them.  All the montages of them picking out dresses caused me a great deal of pain.  Especially since the dress Carrie finally decided on involved a blue bird stuck to the side of her head.  Only one of these 4 girls is attractive (though 1 of them was about 20 years ago) yet for some reason she’s the one with the ugliest guy.  Perhaps I’d know how she landed such a man if I had watched the TV show, but I simply can’t muster that.

Needless to say, I did not like this movie.  It attempts humor and fails, and attempts drama but ruins it with the story.  If you’re a woman, you might like this movie, but I don’t know why.  You women should hold yourselves to a higher standard than this movie delivers.  I give this movie “Awful” out of 964.